A guide in 12 short parts
Your first counselling session: finding someone you can talk to
You don't need to have all the answers. You need the opportunity to be heard.
Perhaps you've been thinking about counselling for a while. You might know that something isn't right, but you're not sure how to explain it. Maybe you've been feeling anxious, low or overwhelmed, or finding that the same difficulties keep coming up in your relationships or everyday life.
You may have searched for a counsellor, closed the page and come back to it another day.
It's not always easy to take that first step. You might wonder whether your problems are serious enough, what a counsellor will think of you, or whether talking about things will make any difference.
You don't have to be certain before you begin looking.
Finding someone to talk to is a personal decision. Your first session is an opportunity to meet a professional, ask questions and begin to understand whether working together might be right for you.
What happens in a first counselling session?
There isn't one set way for a first session to go. Every counsellor or psychotherapist has their own approach, and the conversation will depend on you, your circumstances and what you feel ready to share.
Your counsellor may ask what has brought you to counselling, how things have been lately, what you are finding difficult and what you would like to be different.
You might talk about your sleep, work, relationships, family, health or how you have been feeling. You may have a clear idea of what you want help with, or you may simply know that something doesn't feel right.
You don't need to tell your whole story in one sitting. You can start with what's happening now and work out where to go from there together.
The first session is also a chance for you to get to know the person you are meeting. You can ask about their training, experience, approach, fees and how they work.
It is not a test, and you do not need to get everything right.
What if I don't know where to start?
You don't need to arrive with a neatly organised explanation of your life.
Perhaps you feel unhappy but can't explain why. Perhaps something happened recently, or you have been carrying something for a long time. Sometimes the difficulty is knowing that things need to change without knowing what that change might look like.
You can say exactly that.
A counsellor can help you explore what is happening, ask questions and make sense of things at a pace that works for you.
You don't have to know what you need before you begin. Working that out can be part of the conversation.
What if I become upset or cry?
Talking about personal things can bring up emotions. You might feel sad, angry, anxious, relieved or a mixture of feelings you weren't expecting.
You don't have to apologise for becoming emotional.
A professional counsellor should respond respectfully and give you room to express yourself without shaming or dismissing you. You can also say if you need a pause, want to slow down or would rather talk about something else.
You are not expected to share more than you feel ready to share.
And if you don't cry or feel emotional, that is fine too. There is no particular way you are supposed to feel during a session.
Do I have to talk about my past?
No. You do not need to begin by describing difficult childhood experiences or anything else you are not ready to discuss.
Some people want to explore their past. Others prefer to begin with what is happening in their lives today, such as anxiety, sleep, relationships, work or feeling stuck.
Different professionals work in different ways. Some may be more focused on the present, while others may help you explore earlier experiences and patterns that continue to affect you.
You can ask a counsellor about their approach before deciding whether it suits you.
The important thing is that the work should be approached thoughtfully, with respect for your circumstances and what you feel ready to explore.
Finding the right counsellor is about more than getting on
It matters that you feel able to talk to the person you are working with. You may want someone who listens carefully, asks thoughtful questions and helps you look at things from a different perspective.
But finding the right professional is about more than whether you get on.
Their training, experience, professional standards and way of working are worth considering too. You may also want to think about whether they understand the particular difficulties you are facing, whether their approach suits you, and whether practical arrangements such as fees, availability, language and online or in-person sessions work for you.
You do not have to know all the answers straight away.
You can ask questions and take time to consider whether the relationship feels appropriate. If you are unsure, you can discuss that with the professional. If it does not feel like the right fit, you can consider other options.
You should have a say in who you work with and how you begin.
What should I expect from a good counsellor?
Counselling is a personal relationship, but it is also a professional one. It is reasonable to expect the person you work with to treat you respectfully, explain how they work and give you the opportunity to ask questions.
Here are some things worth looking for:
- Respect
- You are treated with dignity, and your experiences are taken seriously.
- Clarity
- You can ask about the counsellor's qualifications, experience, approach, fees and confidentiality arrangements.
- Collaboration
- You have a say in what you want to work on. You can raise concerns or say when something does not feel helpful.
- Professional boundaries
- The relationship can be warm and personal while remaining professional.
- Review
- You can talk about how the work is going and whether it is meeting your needs.
Counsellors and psychotherapists do not all work in the same way. It is worth understanding what a particular professional offers rather than assuming every approach will suit everyone.
What about confidentiality?
Confidentiality is an important part of counselling. You should be given an explanation of how your information is handled, what the professional's confidentiality arrangements are and the circumstances in which information might need to be shared.
There can be limits to confidentiality, including certain safety concerns or legal obligations. These should be explained clearly rather than left for you to guess.
If you are unsure about anything, ask. You do not need to feel embarrassed about wanting to understand how your information will be treated.
What if I don't feel comfortable after the first session?
You might leave feeling relieved, thoughtful, tired or unsure. You may need some time to reflect on the conversation.
You do not have to make a decision about long-term counselling immediately.
Consider whether you felt listened to, whether you could ask questions and whether the professional's way of working seemed appropriate for you. You can also think about what you would like to understand better before continuing.
Sometimes it takes more than one meeting to know whether a working relationship is developing. Equally, you do not have to continue with someone simply because you have attended an initial session.
If you have concerns, you can raise them. If the professional does not feel right for you, it is reasonable to explore other options.
The aim is not to find someone who agrees with everything you say or makes every conversation easy. It is to find a professional with whom you can work constructively and appropriately towards what matters to you.
Should I choose online or in-person counselling?
Both options can offer a way to work with a counsellor or psychotherapist. The right choice depends on your circumstances, preferences and the arrangements offered by the professional.
Online counselling
Online sessions can offer flexibility and save travel time. They may suit people who have busy schedules, live some distance from a suitable professional or prefer talking from their own home.
Before your session, try to find a private place where you can speak without being overheard. Check your internet connection, camera and sound, and keep some water nearby.
If you become upset, you can take a moment. You do not have to keep talking simply because the session is online.
Ask your counsellor what will happen if the connection drops and how they manage privacy and emergencies during remote sessions.
In-person counselling
Meeting in a therapy room may feel more comfortable for some people. You can visit the setting, sit down and have the conversation without needing to manage a screen or internet connection.
You may want to check the location, accessibility, travel time, fees and any practical arrangements before your appointment.
Neither format is automatically better for everyone. Think about where you are most likely to feel comfortable speaking and what works for your everyday life.
What happens after the first session?
If you and the professional agree that working together may be appropriate, you can discuss the next steps.
You might agree on what you would like to work towards, how frequently you will meet, the fees, cancellation arrangements and any other practical details.
Some people have a clear goal in mind. Others need time to understand what is troubling them before deciding what they want to change.
Counselling is not a promise that everything will improve immediately. It is an opportunity to work with a professional to explore your difficulties, understand yourself or your circumstances more clearly, and consider what might help.
You can continue to review whether the work is useful and discuss any concerns as you go.
Your choice
Finding someone to talk to starts with having a choice
Choosing a counsellor or psychotherapist can feel like a big decision, especially when you are already dealing with a lot.
Gototherapy UK is here to help you explore your options.
You can browse professional profiles, learn about different practitioners and consider information such as their training, experience, approach, fees and the services they offer.
You may also want to consider practical needs, including online or in-person sessions, location, language and availability.
We believe people should have clear information to help them make their own choice. Rather than having a professional selected for you by an algorithm, you can explore the options and decide who you would like to contact.
You do not need to know exactly what you need before you start looking. You deserve the opportunity to ask questions, understand your options and decide what feels right for you.
The first step isn't committing to therapy. It's giving yourself the chance to find out whether talking to the right professional could help.
The right professional. The right connection. Your choice.